Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had tried for years to have a child, with no luck... 

They decided to hire a 'Proxy' ie. a special person to have sex with his wife so as to have a child... 

On the day the proxy was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The Proxy should be here soon... I love you my wife..."

A few minutes later, a door-to-door baby photographer chanced to ring the doorbell, hoping to find kids in Mr. Smiths house to take pictures..

Photographer: “Good morning, madam..." (He began his promos...)
“You don’t know me, but I’m here to… “
Mrs. Smith: "Oh, there is no need to explain.." (Mrs. Smith cut in...) “Come right in..."

Photographer: “Really?!? Well, good!! I’ve made a specialty of babies..."
Mrs. Smith: “That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please sit down. Now, where do we start?!" (Asked Mrs. Smith, blushing...)

Photographer: “Leave everything to me... I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out..."
Mrs. Smith: “Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn’t worked for Harry and me...“

Photographer: "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results..."
Mrs. Smith: “I hope we can get this over with quickly.."

Photographer: “Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure..."
Mrs. Smith: “Ain’t it the truth! (Mrs. Smith exclaimed)

The photographer opened his briefcase and spread out his portfolio of baby pictures.
Photographer: “This was done on the courthouse steps downtown..."
Mrs. Smith: “Oh, my God! (Mrs. Smith exclaimed) 

Photographer: “And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with. 
(The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.)

Mrs. Smith: “She was difficult? Photographer: “Yes, she was afraid.. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.?“

Mrs. Smith: "Four and five deep?" (Asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement...)
Photographer: “Yes, and for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could barely concentrate. As darkness approached, I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels started nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in..."

(Mrs. Smith leaned forward..)
Mrs. Smith: “You mean they actually chewed on your, eh, equipment?!“
Photographer: "That’s right. Well, madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work. "

Now Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried...
Mrs. Smith: "Your Tripod?!"
Photographer: “Oh, yes. I have to use a tripod to hold up my Canon. It’s much too big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action..."

"Madam?! Madam?! Oooh, dear Lord, she has fainted!!"